Aging Gracefully: About Not Taking My Self Too Seriously

I almost lost my wallet  yesterday. I say almost because it was lost for a while then I found it. And in between losing it and finding it I almost lost my mind. I was surveying the wreckage of my future. Life as I knew suddenly ceased to exist. Fear took over. I imagined the worst possible scenarios. 

I was taking my self way too seriously.

My day started out ordinary enough. Up early, read the paper, drank some coffee and headed off to work. My first meeting of the day was with a group of Audiologists where we discussed the challenges of counseling their patients. I played the counseling expert and they played the audiology role. While I was  leaving the meeting room, I stumbled across a travel mug of ours, sitting on a counter where I apparently, no, not apparently, where I did leave it two weeks ago.

The aforementioned mug is one of  Georgette and my favorites. In fact, we take turns using it. She made mention of the fact that it hadn't been seen in some time and we shared our chagrin over its apparent demise. Neither admitted to seeing it last  and we simply accepted it as one of those "oh well, it was a good mug" moments.

I was excited to be able to send her a text that proclaimed the discovery of the lost mug, while not taking any responsibility for leaving it there. No harm, no foul. As I would expect, she was gracious in receiving that news.

Later that morning,  I got a text from my friend Al, asking if I would like to meet him lunch. "Sure, would love to...where and when? Yep, see you in a bit." And as a matter of reflex, I stuck my hand in my pocket to check on my supply of cash and....."oh shit, where's my wallet?"

Momentary panic. Then calm, relax, backtrack, it must have fallen out in the car. Check the car...no wallet. Shit.  Maybe it's in the meeting room.It could have fallen out of my pocket somehow. Nope. Not there. 

OK, just think. When did I seeing last? I think I picked it up this morning when I got dressed... Or did I? I'm not sure.

OK, just think. I picked up the dry cleaning yesterday on the way home from work. I used my debit card. And I threw the receipt in the garbage when I got home. Maybe it's in the trash. Sometimes I don't put the wallet back in my pocket. Why would I? I'm just going to take it out again whenever home. Crap, what if it is lost and I have to replace all those bank cards and my drivers license? Dammit! Identity thieves could be cleaning out our bank account right at this moment. 

Maybe it's still in my pants pocket and I just forgot to take it out when I changed my clothes. But why would I do that? Dan, you are losing your mind.

And now I don't have any cash for lunch. And if I get stopped by the cops without my drivers license I'm screwed. OK, just think. Before meeting Al for lunch,  I better run home and look in the trash. Then check the pants I wore yesterday. And also look in the laundry bag because maybe I stuck my wallet in the pocket on my dress shirt and forgot to take it out Yeah, it'll turn up in one of those places. Garbage, pants or laundry bag. Has to be in one of those places. 

At this point I'm feel like a small boy who is afraid of the dark who whistles out loud to feel less afraid.

Who am I kidding. I'm screwed. And with that I headed home to search for the missing wallet.

At least I had the good sense to check the pocket of my yesterday pants and the laundry bag before I tore through two bags of trash in the garage. Not there. Checked the car again. Then back in bedroom, looked under the dresser.....nope. I'm screwed.  Wait, call the dry cleaners....maybe...nope, not there either.

So what do you do when you are teetering on the edge of misery and you are all by yourself? 

I could have prayed to St. Anthony, patron saint of lost items. 

Or to St. Jude, patron saint of hopeless causes. 

I did neither.

Instead, you invite someone else into your misery. You text your wife.

"Sorry to bother you with this but I've lost my billfold. Noticed it before lunch. Have backtracked and checked everywhere I've been since I saw it last at the cleaners yesterday. They don't have it. Been through the garbage and found the receipt but no wallet. Looked everywhere and am now in a panic as I have no idea of where it might be. Ideas?"

Misery loves company and I was lonely. I wanted to be felt sorry for. the request for ideas was just to save some level of dignity.

"Did you check your car? Maybe it fell when you picked up your dry cleaning. Behind the dresser int eh bedroom? In your pants pockets from yesterday. I'm so sorry."

I might not have found the wallet, but I did discover that great minds think alike.

Several minutes later I sent another text.

"Just found it. Put on blue pants this morning (I thought they were black) then changed them. It was in the pocket of the blue slacks. I think I'm losing my mind"

"Whew!! So glad you found it-such a nightmare. Did Grace help?"

"Not at all. Just laid there on the floor doing frog legs. Now I get to re-bag all the garbage :)"

And it was at that exact moment that I realized that I had been taking my self way too seriously. Not that losing a wallet is a walk in the park. But it's not the end for the world. It's a minor inconvenience.

For some reason that I don't understand,  I made one last check of the pants hanging in the closet and I checked all of them. At that point in time I wasn't sure if I could say for sure that  I even wore pants to work yesterday so what the hell, check them all. And bingo, there it was in the pocket of the navy blue pants-pants that looked black when I put them on. But then changed out of into a pair of black slacks. After all, I had black socks on and you can't go to work wearing navy blue slacks with black socks. That would be.......taking your self too seriously.

I'm not sure what the big lesson is here. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill? Maybe

Don't cry over spilt milk? Yeah, that too.

Rome wasn't built in a day? Now I'm sure I'm losing my mind.

Never mind. I'm thinking about wearing the blue pants with black socks tomorrow. Just to practice what I preach-not taking my self too seriously. Wish me luck.