A Letter to My Wife on the Eve of Her Retirement

I'll never forget the first time I saw your face. You were sitting at the end of the conference room along with 3 or 4 other staff members and I was there for my second interview. Your smile, your warmth, I still can see it. A friendly welcoming face in the crowd.

I got the job and we became workmates and 6 months later we were a couple. 15 months after that we were married.  We worked together on the same team for 4 years before I moved on and you stayed, another 15 years. This letter is about you and your retirement, but it is impossible for me to tell that story without also telling some of the story of us. The story of your life's work and my life's work are inextricably woven together in a fabric of serendipitous magic.

This Friday,  after 26 years, you will quietly walk out the door and down the street to the parking garage for the last time. Your work there is done and you are ready to walk into the next chapter of your life. 26 years of service to people and companies, providing counsel, advice, teaching and encouragement on the matters that really matter.  26 years of answering the calls in the middle of the night..... from a client who's husband has just left her. From an employee who has a sick child and needs tomorrow off. From the police officers who have just witnessed a traumatic event and need a debriefing. No more getting up at 5 in the morning to get to the manufacturing company by 7 am to do a training session because that's when it needs to be done.  No more driving down the interstate at 7 am on a snowy morning because you feel responsible to be there.
 

The story of your life's work begins long before that day we first met in a conference room. But from what I've been told and from what I can imagine, you approached your work with the same grace, hard work, responsibility and willingness to learn as you did in the 19 years I've been blessed to know you. Raising 2 children and going through a divorce, I know how important it was for you to keep their lives stable and as secure as you could. I know it had to have been very difficult at times to balance your home and work life demands, but I doubt you ever lost your way or your balance or your grace. And if you did, it probably didn't show on the outside. 

You've shared with me the story of how you learned on the fly how to manage an oral surgeon's practice and all that went with that role. And how later on you stumbled into the job at the Employee Assistance Program after completing your Master's and found yourself moving into greater roles of responsibility sooner than you could have imagined.  By the time our work lives converged back in 1995, you were a consummate  professional in my eyes.

I had the distinct opportunity (and pleasure) to observe you at work long before we became a couple. The first thing I noticed was the impact you had on others and how they felt about you. Words like trust, respect, accepting, encouraging and joyful come to mind. But beyond that, I got to watch how you went about your business.....hard working, savvy, smart, and organized but most of all consistent. Very, very consistent. 

I really do understand why you have been receiving all those kind words from staff, colleagues and others the last several weeks. I would remind you that as the new guy on the team back in 1995, I came to you more than once for advice, assistance or encouragement. Nothing in the outpouring of sentiments you are receiving surprises me at all. Every word of it is richly, richly deserved.

As your husband, I've watched you get up every day and go off to work with a sense of purpose and responsibility, with nary a complaint, more often with sense of joy. I've seen you come home at night with that same sense of joy and purpose as you prepare our evenings meal. Again, with nary a complaint. There have been days when you would have been justified to complain, or feel just a little bit sorry for yourself, but that's just not your style. And I admire you for that.

Your life's work has been about serving others and you've done it remarkably well. As a counselor, you gave others acceptance, solutions and hope. As consultant, you gave others perspective, resources and hope. As a team member and leader, you gave others acceptance, assistance, encouragement and hope. Your ability to show up consistently positive and productive every single day for 26 years, doing the kind of work you've done is no small feat. Instead, it is truly remarkable in my eyes.

I know that remarkable is not a word you would use to describe yourself. Your work has been remarkable. And for you, my love, how about admired? Beloved? Treasured? Cherished? Valued? You are all of things to me and more. I suspect there are many others who feel the same as I do.

Here is the word I hope you can embrace. 

Remembered.

You will be remembered for your acceptance and compassion.

You will be remembered for your guidance and leadership.

You will be remembered for your joy and spirit.

You will be remembered for the hope you gave others.

And you will be missed by many.

I simply couldn't be more proud to have shared some of your work life with you and to be your partner for the last 19 years of it. As one candle burns out, another one is being lit. More than retiring, you are commencing on the next stage of your life. What you do might change a little or a lot, but who you are will always be the same. If our 19 years has taught me anything, it's taught me that.

It will be fun to share in the journey with you. I can't imagine living this life without you, jobs or no jobs.

You done good, Hun. Real, real, good.

Love you as always, 

Dan