What Does It Mean To Be Real?

One of my best memories of growing up in the late 1950's was when mom would read to us. Lying on the living room floor or  sitting on the couch while she read "The Wind in the Willows" or "Alice in Wonderland" or the "Christmas Carol" not only captivated my imagination, but it also spawned a life-long love of reading. Saturday morning trips to the downtown public library with its WPA murals or to the Bookmobile parked down on 35th and Ingersoll resulted in hauling home a large stack of books to read.

Children's stories gave way to the "Hardy Boys", "Robinson Crusoe" or "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" and then on to books like "Guadalcanal Diary" and "PT 109".

A children's book that escaped me back in my childhood that has since become one of my all-time favorites is "The Velveteen Rabbit" written in 1922 by Marjorie Williams. I was reminded of it this morning when the graphic shown here appeared on my news feed. It had been awhile since I last read this story but I'm glad I went back and read it again.

It is a children's book, but I think every adult should read it if not once, then once a year. Especially as we age.

It's a book about a toy. And it's a book about becoming real.

I first came across "The Velveteen Rabbit" about 24 years ago during what has turned out to be the most significant and challenging period of my life to date. You might call it an extended personal growth phase, but that makes it sound more pleasant than it was. It was difficult. I was beaten up emotionally and my self-worth was pretty low.

And then a friend who knew about my struggles, gave me a copy of the book and told me I was real.  I'd been called a lot of things in my life but this was the first time I'd heard that word used that way. I wasn't really sure what it meant to be real so I read the story. And then I knew what my friend was talking about. As least I thought I did.

"You become".  You become real. It is a journey of becoming.  

I'd like to think that I've been on that journey for most of the past 24 years. So this morning when I read the story yet one more time, I found myself asking, "Am I ?" 

"Am I real?" 

I'd like to think so, but like some other aspects of who we are, perhaps that question would be best answered by others who would be in a more objective position to know. 

What do you think it means to be real? How do know if a person is real? I'd love to hear your thoughts about this. I'm certainly no expert or the final word on this topic but here my thoughts on what it means to be real:

• When you can look past your outside and find the beauty on your inside, you are becoming real.

• When you can see past some one's outsides and find the beauty on their inside, you are becoming real.

• When you can openly share your strengths and your weaknesses, your assets and your defects, your victories and your defeats, your mistakes and your failures, you are become real.

• When you can love yourself, warts and all and when you can love others, warts and all, you are becoming  real.

• When you can laugh more at yourself and less than at others, you are becoming real.  (Believe me, I'm the best source of humor I know.)

• When you care less about titles, rank, clubs, status and privilege and more about potential, virtue, values and what you share in common with others, you are becoming real.

• When you discover that as you age, you find people more interesting and good, than boring and bad, you are becoming real.

• When you never forget where you began your journey and who helped you to get where you are today, you are becoming real.

• When you embrace the talents you've been given and see them as gifts and can put them to good use, you are becoming real.

• When you no longer envy or desire the talents that others were given, you are becoming real.

• When you no longer think less of yourself, but strive to think of your self less, you are become real.

• When you can accept love, kindness and gifts from others, whether you think you deserve it or not, you are becoming real.

• When you can give love, kindness and gifts to others, whether they deserve it or not, you've become real.

That's a lot to strive for.   It takes a long time, the story suggests. I'm grateful for the adage of "progress not perfection". And I'm glad it's a journey of becoming real.

If you've never read "The Velveteen Rabbit", I highly recommend it,

If you have read it, read it again.

And let me know your thoughts on what it means to be real.