If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time

I would not. Not one minute, not one second.

Would I be tempted? Of course. Who wouldn't want to take back a decision or words, made or spoken in a moment of haste that left a trail of hurt, regret or remorse that still haunts you years after it occurred? The ugly, sad or disappointing things that still linger when you find yourself looking at your life in the rear-view mirror, evaluating how well you have or haven't lived your life.

What got me thinking about this was a 2-page ad in the Sunday Parade magazine this past week. You know that news magazine that is stuffed somewhere in between all the advertisements you usually toss in the trash before hunkering down with your paper and cup of coffee. I know, many of you not only don't read the Parade magazine, you don't read the news "paper" anymore. Talk about showing my age. I still love the serendipity of discovering what might lie on the next page I turn. But back to the ad that got my attention.

It started off with this header:

 Anti-Aging News Special Report-Turn Back Time with the "Anti-Aging" Breakthrough Everyone is Talking About!



My first thought was, "There's that anti-aging thing again. Why are we against aging? I'm for aging....gracefully, I might add."

Then my next thought was, "Who is talking about this? I don't know anyone who is talking about this. It says EVERYONE is talking about it. Did I miss something?"

But what has stuck with most and has led to this blog post,  is the idea of turning back the hands of time. Besides being the subject of the Tryone Davis R&B hit "Turn Back The Hands Of Time" in early 1970, which reached #1 in the R&B charts  and sold over one million copies, the wish or hope to that we could find some magical way to go back and change some moment in our past is a much older preoccupation than Tyrone's 45 rpm single from 1970.

Who doesn't have some regrets about the way we treated someone, or a decision we made failed to make, or any opportunity that we may have let slip through our fingers? I don't think we are human if we haven't traveled down this dusty old back road every now and then.

 Even if we choose to avoid this subject, people, places and things have a way of reminding us of things we just as soon forget. This weekend, I am traveling back to the city of my youth and where I attended college for an alumni band reunion. There's a ton of personal history there, most of it good, some of it not so good. And like it or not, memories will get triggered, they always do.

Like the summer my then girlfriend was living with my sister and a third roommate in an apartment for the summer. One evening when I was hanging out there, I helped myself to some cheese slices from the refrigerator, without anyone seeing me take them. When the 3rd roommate discovered the missing cheese, she accused the other 2 of stealing her food. I remained mute and a roommate war broke out that led to hard feelings and a bad ending.

What would have happened if I had just fessed up? How might all of our lives been altered in a more positive way if I had behaved differently. I'll be reminded of that when I drive near the campus and the apartment where this took place some 40 years ago.

A musician who career and work I have followed closely, Bill Champlin, had a band back in the the late 60's, the Sons of Champlin, that were known for their excessive pot smoking, on and off stage. To this day they are still considered to be a band that was ahead of it's time, but one that flamed out early. When asked why this was, Bill often responds with, "When opportunity knocked, we answered the phone".  How much potential did I squander or fail to realize?

I've stopped wishing I could go back and have a character mulligan on the list of decisions, actions, inaction's, squandered opportunities or other regrets about my life- I don't want any do-overs, even if I could. Here's why:

I have this crazy theory or belief that if I was to be able to go back and change just one action or situation, big or small, good or bad, it would put everything else about my life that has happened since at risk. Everything. Who knows, I may not even be alive to write this blog if I had fessed up about the cheese. That's how interconnected, interdependent and tightly woven I believe our lives are. And I simply cold not risk not having the life I have today. 

I've also learned that there are ways to make peace with your past. To  make amends. To be forgiven. And to receive grace. There was a time in my life when I lived with a heavy weight of regret and guilt. I was shown a way forward from that bondage, gratefully.

So no, I don't want to turn back the hands of time, even if I could, even if everyone was
talking about it.

It's not worth the risk.


There is so much to look forward to.

And it would just get in the way of aging gracefully.