Andy's Gift--The Power of "We"

Something really extraordinary happened this week. Something that I was witness to and played a small part in.  Something I'll never forget.

Last August I met a young man named Andy. We met online before we ever met in person. Andy and I had both joined a Facebook group sponsored by an author whose blog we follow, Jon Katz.  Jon had created a Facebook group he named "The Open Group for Bedlam Farm" as a place for people to share their creative efforts and receive encouragement. People share their original work, blogs, photography, poetry, and other creative expressions on this page. Then people provide feedback and dialogue with each via the Facebook comment threads.

Andy posted a story about his 18 month sobriety journey, and mentioned that he was from Omaha. That got my attention, but so did another part of his story- his battle 9 years ago against a brain infection that nearly killed him. Having looked death squarely in the eye made him think he was invincible, he said, so why not drink all you want.  Yeah, I get that.  So not only did he nearly lose his life twice, he lost almost everything else he had, except for his family.

I wanted to meet him, in person, so shortly after reading his first post online in the Open Group,  we agreed to meet for coffee and Andy and I have been friends ever since.

As Jon Katz's Open Group Facebook site grew and evolved, a core group of people emerged as an online community.  Regular contributors and commenters became more familiar with each other, people learned more about each other through their writing (much of it personal and autobiographical), photography and other sharing. Friendships were forming in ways that many of us had never experienced before in an online community.

 Andy's gift for writing quickly made him a favorite of many in the Group.  The dude can write, seriously write. He shared his victories and his struggles openly which made him not only real, but just damn easy to like. His drunken alter ego that he named "Him" was the subject of many of his blog posts that had the Open Group members begging for more.

Andy had been living in a "3/4 way house" with a group of other recovering men since he completed his treatment but was nearing the time when he was ready to move into a place of his own. He had shared his feelings about this next step in his sobriety journey with the Open Group. And he had secured a place to live with a friend and moving day was quickly approaching.

With the Open Group community he had never met in person pulling for his success, one of the members sent a private Facebook message to about 20 of Andy's Open Group friends, suggesting we take up a donation as a housewarming gift.

Since I live in Omaha, I volunteered to receive the checks, cash them and present them to Andy in person, on behalf of the Group. Soon envelopes began appearing in my mailbox at home, with familiar names on the return addresses.  As I opened each letter and saw the names on the check or card, I thought how wonderful and generous this way, people who had never met Andy in person sending him a gift just because they cared. The ironic thing was that the contributors were thanking me for agreeing to collect the gifts and present them to Andy. It was me who should gave been thanking them.

Along with the $400 in cash, we also had gifts of a meditation shawl, a sage burner and stand, and a personalized calligraphy with words "Peace" on it, gifts sent by some of the Open Group friends of Andy.

The following is an excerpt from the story I wrote, along with a video, and posted on the Open Group Facebook site last Monday afternoon after I presented the gifts to Andy. 

"Andy moved into his new place yesterday so I arranged to meet him today for lunch. He knew that something was because I was insistent we meet today, although he will probably tell you he had no clue what is was about really. We met at a local place that is typically busy over the noon hour. When I arrived, Andy was sitting at a table right near the front door. Looking back, I should have seen if there was a place near the back where we might have had more privacy.

I had placed the gifts in a plaid, more manly gift bag that I dug out of  the stash we have at home. As we exchanged greetings,  Andy noticed the bag and asked what was up with that. I told him that I was on a mission, serving as a messenger from the Open Group. I remember saying, "There are a lot of people out there who care about you". And as I said that, I felt a surge of emotion well up inside of me. 

At the time the video begins, Andy has already looked over the beautiful meditation shawl and the sage burner. I then pulled out the calligraphy, the cards and the envelope with the cash. I stuck the cash under the cards, but I noticed him making note of it. He has read a card or two and is now ready to examine the envelope with the bills showing. 

As he pulls the cash out, he first opens the note I made with the list of names of each contributor on it. The names are all familiar to him. His reaction is there for you to see. If your eyes are still dry after you watch this, well then, watch it again. Shortly after opening the cash, Andy excused himself and went to the rest room for a bit. 

We eventually got around to ordering our salads and had a good visit. I apologized for the choice of location-could have picked a more private spot. Andy viewed the video and said he was OK with me sharing it here. I wanted it to be his choice. It's a pretty intimate moment,  but tears of joy are more easily shared than tears of sorrow.

It still hasn't set in with me, this opportunity to be part of a gesture so kind, generous and caring and how I stumbled into the Open Group, met Andy, and can genuinely call him a friend and someone I care about. Someone I know will make it.

And to all of you who gave freely of your thoughts and dollars, you gave me a gift that I wasn't expecting and will always cherish. The gift you gave Andy is to be cherished.Life is good. People are even better. The Open Group is a gift. The gifts keep giving."

The response to this was overwhelming. People were awed with the kindness and generosity shown by the Open Group members. Many who didn't know about the small group that contributed wanted to know now they could send something. Most were simply lifted and touched by this simple, but heartfelt gesture.

The next day, Andy messaged me and asked if I could send a copy of the story I posted and the video as he wanted to share it with his family. What happened next was even more unexpected and overwhelming.

That afternoon, barely 24 hours after I met Andy for lunch and have him the gifts, I received an e-mail from Andy's sister-in-law, telling me of their long emotional journey with Andy, from the depths of despair to the highs of hopefulness. She had read the story I posted and viewed the video on You Tube. Here is the last part of her e-mail to me:

"Andy forwarded us the email you sent to the Group with the video of your meeting and the story of collecting gifts for him. There are no words for how appreciative we are of your kindness . 

One of my favorite authors says:  "We belong to each other." All of us are brothers and sisters and when one of us rises, we all rise. Open Group has embraced that sentiment so fully and illustrated it so well through this beautiful act of kindness. So...thank you, thank you, thank you! And...please extend thanks to the Group from the Rhode Island Family. As you said, "Life is good. People are even better." 

And if that wasn't enough, several days later I received another e-mail, this time from Andy's mom. As I told her when wrote her back later, I can't imagine what she had gone through as a mother, but that I was glad to have been a small part of the "We" that had contributed to Andy's success.

Dear Dan,

For more years than I care to count, I have wondered what it would be like on the day I could finally say, “We made it.” Now I know.

Your email and the video  represent the end of a long dark time in my family’s life and the re-starting of Andy’s life journey – this time as a man made humble by alcoholism and made confident by his determination to overcome “Him” one day at a time.

I know that with the friends he has made in the Open Group and AA, he has the support he needs to fight the good fight and live a happy and productive life. I don’t think he would be where he is today without all of you. Today is a good day.

I will cherish your email and video forever.  

Thank You

Andy’s Mom

"We made it".  No truer words could be spoken. I humbly accept all the words of gratitude that were sent my way. The truth is, I was just doing my small part of the "We". And so were the members of the Open Group who sent gifts to a man who they simply believed in. 

And for that, "We", among all people, have been richly blessed.

Last week was a good week. Life was good. "We" were even better.