Did that get your attention? Are you skipping ahead and looking for the juicy tidbits? Are you thinking that I've gone off the deep end and am about to spill my marital dirt all over the front yard for everyone to see? Or that you might have to pull out your TMI sign and wave it in my face?
Relax, there's nothing too tawdry about what I'm about to share. Besides if there was, I have way too much pride to share it on a blog. And because my wife (who will be referred to as GK from here on out since Georgette is way too many letters for me to type repeatedly) has promised to never throw my stuff out on the front yard no matter what I may have done to deserve such treatment, thus I will not throw our issues out on the blogger front yard for everyone to read.
Now back to that problem. This problem has a lot more to do with marital bliss than marital dirt and could best be described as a "quality problem". If you are not familiar with the concept of the "quality problem", here are a couple of examples.
"We are really stressed out about our retirement. We can't decide to buy a second home in Costa Rico or Aruba"
"This college decision is driving us crazy. The offer from Yale is really good, but Stanford wants her too. I just don't know what we're going to do".
"We got in a big fight over where we wanted to go out for dinner. I had my heart set on Moe's 5 star over-priced and pretentious cafe and he wanted to go to Wally's upscale bistro where the cool people go".
Those are quality problems. They are sometimes to referred to as fancy problems. You know one when you hear one because they usually induce the urge to vomit. Or to shout out, "Spare me!" Or to lash out in a blistering tirade about your real problems and how life isn't treating you fair, none of which I recommend you do. People who continuously share their quality problems with the hopes of getting some sympathy just don't get it and you'll be waiting your time. It's like trying to teach a pig to sing-it annoys the pig and wastes your time.
So where was I? Oh yes, marital bliss and my quality problem. The problem I'm having is about who gets to mow the lawn. You heard that correct. We both like to mow the lawn and can't seem, even after nearly 16 plus of marriage, to get that worked out. It came to a head just a couple of days ago when I received a text from GK while I was at band practice that stated " Front and sides done. My turn!" It was 7:50 pm in the evening on a weeknight.
A little background might be helpful-when we first hooked up (not as in "hook-up" like the kids say these days) we were in our mid 40's. GK had raised 2 children and managed her household and career just fine, including lawn mowing duties. So when we agreed to merge households ( OK, I got rid of my dumpy apartment and moved into her house) and get married (those character building nights really were unnecessary at our age) we had a few things to work out. At first, I insisted on doing my own laundry. That didn't last long. "You don't sort your clothes by whites and colors? "Here, let me help you fold those""You know it will be easier if I just do your things, it's really no big deal"
Seriously? No big deal? I hated doing my laundry so I just threw everything into the washer and turned it loose. Worked fine for me. She has been doing my laundry ever since.
Meals were no problem because she loves to cook and is always planning and organizing the next meal. I'm a grateful, card-carrying member of the Clean Plate Club which makes me the best audience a cook can have.
Now for the lawn mowing. At first, when we lived in Lincoln and both worked locally, we agreed to split the lawn mowing 50/50. If she did her half on Saturday morning, I'd get my half done Saturday afternoon. Every now and then one of us would do the entire yard so the next mow would belong to the other person. The lawn was easy to mow and our arrangement worked fine until we moved to Omaha.
Our home in Omaha has a steep backyard. The front and sides are relatively flat but there is more sq. footage. We agreed that I would do the backyard because of the hills and GK would do the front and sides. I was traveling a lot in my job and she was commuting back and forth to Lincoln so she would do her half during the week and I would do my half on the weekend.
Now here's where it gets a little dicey. I work locally so I'm home by 5 most nights. GK still commutes so she usually isn't home until 6. This summer, I've been starting the mowing a bit after 5 and usually have the entire lawn done or nearly done by the time she pulls in the driveway. Here is what typical transpires next:
"Thanks for doing my half but you didn't have to."
"I got on a roll so I did both halves"
"I was planning on doing my half"
"I appreciate that, Hun, but it doesn't make sense that when are commuting an hour home from work and I have the time, for me not to mow all of it. Besides, you're going to still make dinner, aren't you?"
"Yes, but that won't take too long. I can still do my half."
And so it goes.
Now you get why this is a quality problem. So back to that text, the one the said "Front and sides done. My turn!" We've been mowing on Tuesday evenings. Monday I went to band practice at 7pm and while I was at rehearsal...yep, she got me. She outwitted me. She mowed. Gotcha! Touché! Checkmate.
So my question is this-Do I concede and stick to mowing just my half-regardless of whether she is still on her commute and is planning on making supper? Or do I continue to try beat her to it knowing that I might be denying her a little bit of pleasure, strange as that may seem? I'd appreciate any advice you might have.
Just don't tell me what I already know. That the only marital problems I have are quality problems. That I should be glad she's not keeping score. That life isn't always fair. That I got more than I deserved. And that if I write another story whining about one of my quality problems, you just might try to teach this pig to sing.
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