Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Grace, the beagle, has been lounging all afternoon. She had a full morning, which included an hour long walk on the Keystone trail, lots of sniffing, getting a scrambled egg in her dog food bowl (a Sunday morning ritual), barking at the dogs next door, and finally, an afternoon of lounging and napping. It's a dog's  life for sure.  I envy her. She doesn't have a plan for the day. Instead she watches us to see what's up next. We read the paper and have coffee on Sundays so she followed that cue and slept on a pillow. When Georgette finally got around to putting on her walking shoes, Grace noticed and sat in front of the front door in anticipation of a walk. She was right. When Georgette was making breakfast, she heard the crack of an egg and saw the  bowl go into the microwave and knew that "egg" was soon to be served. As breakfast was being cleaned up she hung around the dishwasher looking for opportunities to lick a  dirty plate or spoon. With the morning  rituals completed she went into full lounge lizard mode. Here is what the rest of the afternoon entailed:

1) Nap on the living room floor then wander to the crate and nap for a while.

2) Listen for the dogs below us to be let out then go racing down the steps and down to the fence and bark like there's no tomorrow.

3)  Wait to get scolded and chased back into the house.

4) Act like you didn't do anything wrong and show only minimal or no signs of remorse.

5) Retreat to the bedroom and lie in the sun.

6 Nap some more until you hear the vacuum or the dogs next door.

7  Repeat as often as you feel like it.

I'm never sure what is going on in that head of hers. Don't have a clue. I do know that she watches us like a hawk and anticipates her next move based on some cue that she sees or hears. She can be sound asleep on the couch, but if Georgette gets up and goes into the kitchen, her ears perk up. If she  hears the refrigerator door open, she gets up on the arm of the couch and peers towards kitchen. If she sees any kind of plate or bowl being brought back into the living room, she goes on full "I might get some" alert. She usually does. As I'm writing this, she is lying on the floor with her head between her paws, half asleep but also remaining vigilant, looking up from time to time with those beagle eyes so as to not miss any important cues.

Grace doesn't have any plans, goals or personal improvement objectives. She isn't trying to live up to her potential or make her mark on the world. She doesn't have a financial planner, a retirement plan or a life coach. She has no fear of impending doom or regrets about things she has done in her past. She has never had a performance appraisal, but she did a report card from doggy daycare that said she was "the cutest beagle ever!" Yes, it went right to her head.

Grace is having a good day. She will probably have a good day tomorrow even though she doesn't  care much about what is or isn't planned for her. I envy her. I've sent too much time in my life regretting my shortcomings or poor decisions and equally as much time worrying about the future. In short, I wasted a lot of time along the way. And yet, in spite of myself, I'm having a really good day today. And with a little bit of luck, I'll probably have a good day tomorrow.  So today, at nearly 61 years of age, I'm going to try to live a little more like Grace lives. Listen for the cues, then wait and see. Lounge around more than work. Be open to what the day brings. Bark more with less remorse. Live in the moment. Wag my tail when I feel good. Always be glad to see those I love and who love me back. Act silly at the most unexpected times. And perk up when I hear the refrigerator door open.

Audiences Create Performances

I’m going to do something tomorrow I haven’t done in a long time. I will be teaching a workshop to a group of healthcare folks, mostly surgical and clinic nurses, on the topic of developing and using your sense of humor. Back in the mid 90’s, when I worked as an Employee Assistance Program trainer and counselor, I put together a whole series of seminars and presentations on humor and well-being, Through my job, I was able to market and book this seminar in all kinds of companies and organizations. It was some of the best work I’ve ever done and it feels silly to even call it work. Some of my  talents lie in the areas of public speaking, teaching and working with people as a coach or counselor, so this was a natural extension of other work I was doing at the time. What was different then was the topic--one’s  sense of humor.  I thought I had a good active sense of humor, but to teach others how to develop and activate their own sense of humor, that was new territory for me. And somewhat risky, I might add. Needless to say,  my creative juices got flowing. I read everything I could about humor, I talked to people about their sense of humor, I observed, reflected and integrated everything I had personally experienced about humor. Eventually, I built a  seminar that I could take on the road and over a 5 year period I must have presented this seminar in various settings and versions at least 200 times. When I look back at everything I’ve done in my professional career, this ranks at the top of the list. It was really fun and gratifying to do as you might suspect. But the most amazing thing to me was that I got paid for doing it.

In 1999,  I changed jobs and  my new company needed me to teach a curriculum other than humor. It was good stuff,  very positive subject matter  and I enjoyed teaching it,  but it just wasn’t  humor. So I set my humor program on the shelf. For a while, opportunities to teach humor workshops came from people who had been at one of my programs and I was able to dust off the my material and put it back to work. But eventually the requests stopped coming and the dust grew thicker. And while I never lost sight of my own sense of humor and how to use it on a daily basis, my days encouraging other people to develop their sense of humor took on a different, less focused form.

That will all change tomorrow. One of my peers, a nurse educator, was looking for something different to have as the topic for the quarterly clinical learning program at the hospital where I work. When I suggested humor as a possible topic, I wasn’t sure how she’d react. After all, people in healthcare are known to take themselves a bit too seriously at times. Needless to say, we are expecting a really good turnout tomorrow. Turns out, the most common reaction to the topic has been, ”We really need that here!” The pressure is on.

It seems to me that some of the same things that can keep a person from developing and using their sense of humor are some of the same things that block creativity, expression, authenticity and encouragement. You can also make the case that looking for the humor in almost any situation requires one to be creative and open to different ways of looking at things, to have the ability to see things through a different perspective. Here are the 3 humor skills for adults that will be presented as part of my seminar tomorrow:

1)      The ability to find the humor or absurdity in almost any difficult situation.

2)      The ability to take your “self”  lightly while taking your work seriously.

3)      The ability to live a disciplined life of joy and gratitude.

I promise to write a blog article about each one of these skills in the near future. I have a feeling that tomorrow’s program will be the start of a whole new series of opportunities and adventures and that excites me. Wish me luck. Here’s hoping I don’t take  myself too seriously.

In the heartland

About a half mile as the crow flies from my front door,
The trail where the trains once rode the rails.
With a city in the distance and fog draping the horizon,
Morning comes to a lone runner.
Bales of hay along the creek, 
Reminding me of where I live.
In the heartland.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow........

We haven't any rain here in Omaha since the first of July. There was the possibility of a storm today but by 6pm, it looked as though it had passed us by. Seemingly out of nowhere, the sky started to turn dark and the clouds began the swirl. In a matter of minutes we were in the midst of a hot summer downpour, complete with a dash of light hail. I was sitting on our deck which looks over the horizon to the southeast when the rain began. There is an alcove near our kitchen deck doors that is covered by the roof and it is a good place to sit during a storm. I had a couple of brats on the grill (also under cover) when I noticed the rainbow.  I summoned Georgette and we both grabbed cameras, or shall I say iPhones,  and captured some photos.

I don"t remember the last time I saw a rainbow this big. It was an incredible sight. A sigh of optimism. A sign of hope. I felt like a little child who sees the rainbow for the first time. I felt encouraged and I don't much care about the scientific explanation for how the rainbow comes to be. I would rather just be in awe of  it.

We needed the rain and it was a wonderful surprise. That the rain came with a giant rainbow was a blessing.

Faith and Not Being Afraid

When I started this blog, I said that some of what I write may be funny and some might be sad and that it might get personal. So far it has been mostly funny. This one will be sad and personal.

I'm heading to San Diego, a city I have traveled to many times over the years. Know it well enough to drive around without a map most of the time. I've always looked forward to the visits there-mostly with family enjoying the great weather and the cool downtown that overlooks the harbor. However, this trip is different. I'm going there to spend some important time with my brother, Tony, who has incurable cancer. Those were the words he used in an e-mail he sent to family members back in January.

Tony was diagnosed with esophagus cancer in the fall of 2011. He immediately started treatment at MD Anderson in Houston and eventually had a resection of his esophagus in June of 2012, but not before he took his family to a long-planned trip to Florence,Italy, a place he dearly loves. He came through it clean and without complications and returned to work as a pharmacist as soon as he could. In December of 2012, a routine scan detected that the cancer had moved to his liver and "was incurable". I remember reading those words for the first time, then many more times after that. As hard as they were to read, I wondered what it would be like to have to write those words. He went on to say that he was grateful for the time he had left so he could put things in order and spend as much time as he could with his family-- that many people die without the benefit of the time to prepare. And that he wasn't afraid because his faith was strong.  That tells you most of what you need to know about Tony.

Tony was my first "little brother", the 3rd child of 8, born after my older sister Shelley and me in Oskaloosa, Iowa. I have several charming pictures taken when it was just the 3 of us, taken when our parents could still afford to have pictures taken, or cared to have pictures taken. Eventually another brother, then a sister and soon there were 5 boys and 3 girls in an 11 year span of time. No wonder our mother was elated when the birth control pill was released.

Tony on my new cool Sting Ray.

I have fond memories of the two us doing what little boys do-riding bikes, exploring the neighborhood, building forts. Tony was the trumpet player in my junior combo called the "Burnished Brass" where we played Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass covers at school events. He tagged along on my paper route until he got one of his own. We walked home from school together and ditched our brother Joe just to be mean. When I won a brand new Sting Ray bike in a paper route contest, I gave Tony my nearly new 26" inch bike that I had bought with money I saved.

He followed behind me to junior high where he became his own person. A much better student and a sharp dresser, Tony was the " cute brother" and I was the one with the " good personality". He was named best dressed 7th grader in the school newspaper. He did not follow me or any of our other siblings to work at McDonalds, choosing instead to work at a neighborhood drug store, a job he kept all the way through college at Drake University where he received his pharmacy degree.  Conservative in his demeanor and behavior, conscientious  and studious, in many ways we were opposites. But we always remained brothers. There was rarely a cross word or difference that mattered. We've maintained a friendly, cordial relationship throughout our adult lives.

Tony married his college sweetheart, Patti and they moved to San Diego to pursue dual pharmacy careers, raise two daughters and live their strong Catholic faith. Their daughter Maggie, is a special needs child and the love and sacrifices they both made for her were selfless . It seems like we just  gradually saw less and less of each other over the years, as was the case with mostly of our siblings, separated by long distances. When our father was living in San Diego, Tony assumed the responsibility of looking after him and when he died, took care of managing his affairs. Always responsible, always considerate, always dependable.

Tony was the one, of all my siblings including me,  you never had to worry about, who just seemed to always do the right thing. He's lived a good life, taken care of his business and loved his family.  He won't get to enjoy his retirement that he has earned.  He won't get to grow old with his wife.  He most likely won't be able to walk his daughter, Laura, down the aisle. He won't get to know his grandchildren. And it is not fair. And it makes me angry. And it makes me sad.

So my business in San Diego, along with my sister Shelley, is to spend time with him while we still have some. To just be together while he is still able to walk around and enjoy the day. Before the chemo gets too rough and before his liver stops working.  This is not a trip I ever thought I would make but it is an opportunity for me to be a big brother once again.

In talking with him early this week about our trip out, he mentioned that he and Patti go to Mass on Saturday afternoon. That was the only thing he had planned. I can't remember the last time I went to mass, but I think I will ask  if I can join him. He says he is not afraid and think I know why.

  

Tony, me, and Shelley around 1955

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

I love music. I don’t just like music, I love music. Can’t imagine a world without it. Music has been a significant part of my life for as long as I remember.  Music never gets old and it always does it's magic. Last week, I had the chance to hear my favorite band live in Kansas City for the about the 40^th time. I’m not exactly sure of the count, but I’m guessing about 40 times.

"Down on my knees, whole heart in hand"

Tower of Power is the band and they are in their 45^th year of performing. Yes, you read that correct….45^th year! That would make me about 16 the first time I heard them. The song was “You're Still a Young Man” and I remember that moment as if it happened yesterday. Down the basement in my room, listening on the radio and Bam!, "what was that sound?" A slow soulful ballad that opens to a chorus of screaming  trumpets then settles into a lush, laid back groove accompanied by fat horns. “You’re still a young man, baby, woo –ooo, don’t waste your time” is delivered by the chorus of background singers, before the lead singer enters with “down on my knees, whole heart in hand”. I was hooked at first listen. TOP became my favorite band at that moment. That was 1970.

In 1985, I saw them for the first time live at the Maintenance Shop on the campus of Iowa State University, where Iowa Public TV recorded the show for public broadcast. I sat right next to the stage and can see myself when I watch the recording of that night. I was blown away. A 5 piece horn section, funky rhythm section, soulful lead singer, intense, almost non-stop music. By then I had every recording TOP had made, but had failed to see them live. I remember feeling as if a “bucket list-once in a lifetime moment” had finally arrived. Imagine my delight when they returned the following year, 1986, and I made it to both shows they performed. Double my luck.

 Like so many groups that came out the late 60's, and in TOP's case, the San Francisco scene, the band was not alone in battling their personal demons. Several key members had left or  been removed due to substance abuse.  Looking back on that night in March of 1985, it is clear that several members, including the leader, Emilio, were still battling those demons. The music was great but they looked rough. I didn’t hear much about the band after those shows and they didn’t release any new music until around 1990 when a CD called “Monster on a Leash” appeared. Keep in mind that this was before the days of the internet so news and updates were not easy to find. I had no idea about what they had been through,but one thing was clear, they were still together or at the least, back together again.

Tickets from the first 3 TOP shows I saw.

In 1991, I saw them for the 3^rd time in Minneapolis at a club called the Fine Line Music Cafe. 4 members of the original group were still in the band and they were hot! Emilio Castillo, the leader of the group had refocused the band on what they did best and they were "back on the streets again". They looked good and sounded great. They played the old classics such as “What is Hip”,  “Soul Vaccination” and “Squib Cakes” as well as some of their new tunes off the recent CD.  When they came our for their encore and played  “You’re Still a Young Man”,  some of the mystery of where they had been and what was different was revealed. Emilio dedicated that song by saying that  “this goes out to the Friends of Bill W” which was immediately followed by the screaming trumpet fanfare intro that defines that song.  And at every TOP  performance I've seen since then, he has repeated that same dedication to that same song. You see, in October of 1990, I became a “friend of Bill W” and as corny as this may sound, it saved my life. I could see that night that while it may have saved at least one of band member's life, it probably saved Tower of Powers' life as well. We know had that in common.

From that night in 1991, up until last week, I kept listening and going to see TOP whenever I could. I introduced TOP to Georgette by taking her to Minnesota in 1997 where we saw them at a casino and had front row seats. She got her first “Soul Vaccination” up close and personal. I’ve seen them in Iowa,  Colorado, California and Virginia. I’ve hung out backstage and chatted with some of the guys and I’ve shared an elevator with some without saying a word. Maybe one of the best moments came when my brother Joe and I did a road trip back to the casino in Minnesota  in 1997 for a two-night performance and we found our way into their Saturday afternoon rehearsal where we got to witness the band working some new arrangements into some of their signature numbers. How cool was that?

“The more things change, the more they stay the same”

That lyric is from a TOP tune called, “Diggin on James Brown”.   Last Wednesday evening, at a funky blues club called Knuckleheads Saloon,  tucked away in an industrial area northeast of downtown Kansas City, the TOP reminded me once again that “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”  I invited my son-in-law Chan, who lives in KC,  since it was a work night and GK didn’t want to make the early morning road trip back up I-29. We had reserved seats that were set back away from the stage, but this was the kind of place where you are meant to stand most of the night. A perfect venue to see and hear live music up close and personal.  A small, intimate room where the stage extends and you can get up close from three different vantage points. It wasn’t long after the show began that I wandered up close for a song or two. Then back to my seat for a bit. Then back up for a few more, then back to my seat. Finally, with 4 songs left in the rotation, I told Chan I would see him at the end and worked my way right back up to the edge of the stage, where I spent the rest of the show.

I was in musical heaven. The intensity and energy was off the charts. It could have gone on forever.  "James Brown Medley", "So Very Hard to Go"," What is Hip?"- the band was on fire. At times, I just closed my eyes and took it all in. This began so many years ago and here we are again today, 2013. When the time came for the last encore,  once again Emilio dedicated  “You’re Still a Young Man” to "the the friends of Bill W”. Blessed.  Grateful.  Lucky.  At home.  A million emotions and a million musical moments merged to one groove.

The set list from the TOP gig on March 20, 2013

After the last note was played, Chan and I reunited and found our way to the parking lot and in the morning I headed back to Omaha at 5am.  45 years of TOP making music.  43 years for me listening to their music. They do what they do best. I love what they do best.  Some day they will play no more as TOP, I thought.   Someday I will have my last live TOP experience.  Who would ever thought it would last this long? So grateful it happened. Until then, I’m left with these 2 lyrics:

“The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same”.

“You’re Still a Young Man, Baby, Don’t Waste Your Time”.

Words to live by.

This is where I stood for the last 40 minutes of the show.

Tower of Power Horns

Spring is just around the corner....

I was supposed to play in a band concert today. It was postponed because of the snow. Snow is still continuing to blanket everything in white while I sit inside dreaming of spring. You see, besides being a band nerd, I am also a garden nerd. We garden nerds wait all winter for the first sign of spring  and then spring ( pardon the pun) into action as early and  often as we can.

Yesterday, I took the lawn mower into the shop to get serviced. I know it was only March 8th but we like to beat the rush here at 4705. The guys at the  lawn mower shop probably take bets or have an office pool to see who can guess the exact date we show up with  the mower.  Taking your lawn mower in to be serviced early is not only good planning, but I think it helps spring to get here sooner. You skeptics out there should try it.

Also on the list of things to do yesterday was to haul out most of our patio furniture just in case an early 70 degree day might come along in mid-March. Heck, it can sit out on the deck and patio just as easy as it sits in the basement. Besides, the  early putting out of patio furniture, combined with the early servicing of one's lawn mower, increases the odds that spring will arrive sooner.  Again,  try it yourself and see.

Pots of bulbs who want sunshine.

And if that wasn't enough, I was also planning on hauling the 20 pots planted with spring bulbs from the garage put  to our deck. Every December, I plant  pots with tulips, daffodils, crocus and grape hyacinth and leave them in the garage to cook, I mean cool. By the first of March, they are crying to get out into the sunshine and spring  to life, gracing our deck with a splash of spring color. But alas, they too are still in the garage, not because of the snow, but because the temperature is supposed to drop into the teens tonight.

Waiting for Spring

Yesterday, when it was about 50 degrees outside, I did manage to tear down 5 trash cans full of  Sweet Autumn vine that covers our fence. It's one of the tasks on my spring clean-up list.  The 5 cans will go out on the curb this Wednesday for the garbage guys to haul away. I put out  3 cans of garden waste last week after I just had to go out and start cleaning up the flower garden. You see, putting out your yard waste early also helps spring get here sooner. I can hear the garbage guys muttering under their breath wondering what would possess someone to put out garden waste on March 3rd.

To top it off,  we were planning on cooking steaks on the grill for supper tonight, in celebration of the first night of daylight savings time. That too, my friends, has been postponed due to the snow. Dinner will be prepared and consumed indoors where it is warm. At least I will be able to snow blow the driveway after dinner while it is still light outside.

No, this is not an illegal plant.

All was not lost however. I got my seeds started and put under the grow lights in the basement as I am custom to doing this time every year. Zinnias, salvia, rudbeckia, coleus and sweet pea vine that will be transplanted mid-May if all goes to plan.

Spring will get here soon enough, this I have learned. Being a gardener teaches you that Mother Nature runs on her own time.  And on her own terms. Like so  many things in life, the more you try to control it, the less control you realize you have. Mother Nature wins this round. She is undefeated. I keep trying to out wit her. But to no avail.

In the meantime, the lawn mower should be ready by weeks end and the forecast for next Friday shows 60 degrees. Spring is just around the corner.